Be Not Forgotten
by stuckinPA
Summary: Marissa's life takes a turn for the worse, and Ryan, Seth, and Summer worry as her indulgent ways become destructive. Can Ryan make everything better? Before it is too late? Please read,,it is my first...
1. Be Not Forgotten

Ok, so this is my first fanfic...Please don't make fun of me but constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated...I will try to make my story well-rounded but it will deal a lot with Marissa and Ryan. Alex fans beware: This might not be your favorite fanfic! It takes place at the end of 'Rainy Day Women'...Enjoy:

"There is always some madness in love. But there is always some reason in madness." Friedrich Nietzsche

Poolhouse

Ryan Atwood sat on his bed gazing out on the expanse of the ocean, but his thoughts were not on the churning waves and endless rain; they were on Lindsey. It was hard for him to grasp the fact that in a few hours from now she would be leaving for Chicago with her mom. Ryan was still in a state of shock. Caleb turned out to be her father, everything was supposed to be ok...but it wasn't, and he felt as if his world was flipped upside down.

"Sethummer is finally BACK into business!" Seth's highly euphoric-sounding voice tore Ryan out of his quiet somber. He looked up, but said nothing.

"Thanks so much for asking, buddy, of course I'll fill you in! It was beyond my wildest fantasies. I was just, you know, hanging around with a spiderman mask on, and Summer showed up, out of nowhere, and she kissed me. I swear to you, my friend, no lie, it was, like, Spiderman quality; WAY better than the original. Kirsten Dunst and Toby Mcguire: very much overrated. Seriously, Spiderman 3, here we come!" As Seth carried on about how Summer abandoned Zach at the airport to come back to him, Ryan could not help but feel excited for him. He forgot his troubles for a second and flashed Seth a sincere smile.

"That's great, man. Congrats." Seth sensed something was up by the tone of Ryan's voice, and said,

"Are you ok, man?"

"It's nothing." Ryan looked away to avoid Seth's accusing stare.

"Are you sure? Because, if it is, I'm here to talk if you want. Any problem of Ryan's is a problem of mine. Come, sit and confide in your dear friend Seth."

"Lindsey's leaving for Chicago tomorrow morning."

Seth grimaced, "Ahh... that sucks. But look on the bright side and picture this, Alex and Marissa might be making out as we speak."

That visual made Ryan smile, aand reminded him of the moment he and Marissa had shared at at the pier earlier. Ryan had just learned the news of Lindsey's inevitable departure, and he was brooding, as usual, in the pouring rain. Marissa appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, and stayed with him for a solid hour, providing him with temporary relief from the incessant rain with her oversized umbrella. The gesture in itself was very...nice; more than nice, it was the sense of familiarity that he felt with her that was oddly comforting. It almost reminded him of the way things used to be...and somewhere across town Marissa Cooper was thinking the same thing.


	2. Fearing the Unknown

Ok, this is the next part, if you like it please say so!

"I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are." Frances Moore Lappe

Alex's Apartment

Marissa Cooper walked around the empty apartment that she now shared with Alex, trying to get acquainted with her unfamiliar surroundings. She still couldn't believe that she was there, that she had actually moved in with Alex. Everything was happening so fast. At this time last year, if someone had asked if she would ever pursue an intimate relationship with a girl, she would have wholeheartedly replied no. Now, here she was, living with, and even sharing the same bed with a girl. Marissa wasn't sure if the feelings she was experiencing were signs of regret, or just apprehension.

It wasn't as though Marissa wasn't emotionally invested in their relationship. She definitely was, and became more and more with each passing day. Alex was everything Marissa strived to be all her life, rebellious, independent, and free of her parents. And she was beautiful… Marissa couldn't describe the attraction she felt for Alex. She undeniably loved kissing her, it was so sensual and caring, something that she had never experienced with a guy.

But something was holding her back…it was her undeniable feelings for Ryan that held her back from becoming too attached to Alex. Earlier at the pier, she stood with him for a long time. They exchanged no conversation, but it was a comfortable silence; that it almost reminded Marissa of the way things used to be. The only thing was that Ryan was still hung up, and possibly in love with Lindsey. Marissa would have to move on, and Alex had definite potential to keep her mind off of things.

Suddenly, Marissa realized what time it was, and she began to worry. It was getting late, past 2:00 in the morning, and still Alex wasn't home. She knew that the Bait Shop closed at 1:00, and therefore Alex should have been home not long after then. Images of Alex being raped in a dark alley clouded her mind, and she became restless. Not long after she realized Alex was late coming home, the phone rang. The voice on the other end of the line confirmed Marissa's worst fears. Alex had been run over by a car, and was rushed to the hospital in critical condition. The doctor on the line told her she had better come down, because situation was serious.

Marissa hung up the phone, still overwhelmed with what she had been told. Her heart started beating faster, and she tried to calm herself down. She grabbed the keys to Alex's jeep. As she was about to head to the door, there was a knock. She opened it in surprise.

"Hey." Ryan greeted her from the other side of the door.

"What are you doing here?" Marissa asked, shocked that Ryan was even there, let alone that it was in the middle of the night.

"I just wanted to talk," Ryan started, but seeing the car keys in hand, paused, "are you going somewhere?"  
Marissa tried to ignore the lump that was forming in her throat.

"Alex was hit by a car. I have to go to the hospital to see her."

"Then I'll come with you." Ryan said without a second thought. Marissa smiled at him, and then started to cry. This was way too much for one night. She felt as if her heart were being tugged into opposite directions. On one side, her ex-boyfriend, former love, and one the one she had just spent the last few months learning to get over, and tonight it seems they have at last broken through the invisible wall between them. On the other side was her spunky girlfriend, whom she spent the last month with, and who was in dire need of someone right now, lying in a hospital bed, and hurting. She couldn't take it.

"Hey, hey, it's ok. Alex will be alright. I promise." Ryan soothed, pulling her into a hug. He felt completely helpless; because a year ago, he could just kiss her and all her problems would go away. It didn't work that way when you were only friends. So, he just hugged her, while she composed herself.

"We have to go now." Marissa stated, and led the way through the door. She and Ryan got in the car, and Marissa's hand shook as she failed to stick the key into the ignition. A sob escaped from her throat. Ryan unbuckled himself after just having done so.

"Maybe I should drive." Marissa nodded, and they switched places. The whole way to the hospital, Marissa sat, crying quietly, while Ryan fought the urge to kiss her passionately.


	3. Inconsolable

Thanks to all that that commented. Here is the next chapter,enjoy!

"Be open to your dreams, people. Embrace that distant shore. Because our mortal journey is over all too soon." -David Assael

Hospital

Marissa approached the bed with caution. Her heart lurched at the sight of Alex, with her neck brace and labored breathing. Alex was worse than she could have imagined. From what the doctor had told her, Marissa knew that she had a broken neck, several broken ribs, a collapsed lung, and several internal injuries. A patch covered Alex's left eye, and her right eye was swollen shut. Her bottom lip had swelled to twice its normal size. Blond and purple hair lay in a tangled mess around her head.

"Oh my god, look at you." Marissa choked, rushing to Alex's side. The one eye that was exposed painfully blinked open, and she smiled when she saw who was there.

"Hey." Alex whispered. It was obvious that it was painful for her to make even the slightest sound, so Marissa gestured for her to stop talking.

"I feel like a pirate, you know with my eye patch, and I'll have to get a peg for my broken foot, and I'll be all set." Alex said, ignoring Marissa's gesture and trying to relieve some of the tension in the room. Marissa, however, could find no humor in the situation. She simply took grasped Alex's hand, and rested her head on her pillow, so that they were only inches apart. Marissa placed a single kiss on one of Alex's undamaged cheeks. Alex's labored breathing became slow and regular, so Marissa pulled a chair to the bedside, and prepared for a long night.

A sudden beeping noise went off from Alex's room, and Ryan, who was lying on a bench in the hall, jerked awake. He couldn't tell if it was morning, because the rain hadn't let up yet. A team of doctors rushed past Ryan and into Alex's room. Ryan jumped up to see if he could find out what had happened. All he could make out through the small window in the door was a crowd of doctors around Alex's bed, and a kindly nurse trying to console a hysterical Marissa. Ryan quickly opened the door. Upon pleading looks from the nurse, Ryan grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the room. In the hall, he sat her down to try to calm her down. She was inconsolable. He simply hugged her, and waited patiently for her tears to end. Finally, it got to a point where Marissa had stopped crying.

She just kept muttering, "She's dead, she's dead…" as if she were trying to convince herself of the fact.

"It's ok, I am here." Ryan said, and Marissa finally looked at him for the first time that day, as if she just realized he was there.

"Can you take me home?" she whispered.

"Yes, I can do that." Ryan replied, and he took her home.


	4. Don't Forget Me

Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews! That makes me happy,and keep them coming...here we go with chapter three:

"Frailty, thy name is woman!" William Shakespeare ("Hamlet", Act I Scene II)

Ryan took Marissa over to Alex's apartment to gather her things. He was putting the last pair of her numerous shoes into a box, and turned around to see Marissa sitting on the bed, staring off into space. He sighed, wishing there was something he could do. She looked so vulnerable, he just wanted to grab her and hold her tightly

"Come on, let's go." He said, kissing the top of her head. She nodded slightly, and followed him out of the apartment.

Ryan took Marissa back to the Cooper-Nichol mansion, and he parked in the driveway. Tears were once again forming in the corners of her eyes, he could tell. He tucked her long hair behind her ears. He slowly leaned in to kiss her, but sensing Marissa's discomfort, changed his mind. He placed his hand on her knee instead.

"I have to go." She said quickly, Ryan leaned over to open the door for her. She smiled gently, and hopped out of the car. It was not until Marissa was inside the house that Ryan realized: Lindsey left over an hour ago, and he had not gone to say goodbye. Oddly, he hardly cared.

* * *

_Dear Ryan, _

It is hard to convey my feelings through a letter, but I will try my best. I don't think I have ever stopped loving you. Of course, recently I haven't expressed it well, since the beginning of my relationship with Alex. At first, it was a way to forget you. I know you had forgotten me, for you were too busy with Lindsey to realize that I was clearly not over you. Nevertheless, as our relationship progressed, I began to develop deep feelings for Alex. I can almost trick myself into thinking that it was what I felt for you, but even you could see through that. Anyway, my intention in this letter is not to make you feel bad, and gain your sympathy; it is to say goodbye. Life would be much simpler for my mother and Caleb, Summer, especially you, and even Seth if I wasn't in it. Words cannot express myremorse for the pain that you will inevitably feel. I just don't know how much longer I can go on feeling as empty as I do now. The only real thing I know is that I love you. I only ask you two things. Move on with your life, and dosomething important with it. And don't forget me.

Love,

Marissa


	5. Unbearable Agony

Ok, here is the next chapter my loves, I am very disappointed in the lack of comments(Thank you, KC-Chick for the one and only comment from chapter 4). Please, if you like this part, let me know! Give me suggestions or yell at me or praise me,whatever,I thrive on feedback!

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." -Helen Keller

Cooper-Nichol Mansion

Summer impatiently rapped on the huge front door of Marissa's house. She came as soon as she heard that Alex had died. She still couldn't believe it. Summer had just seen Alex last week and she was fine. It amazed her how a young life could be taken away so suddenly, and frankly, it scared her to death. After a minute or two, and still no answer, she knocked again.

What made it even more unbelievable was that it was not Marissa that Summer heard it from, but she heard it from Seth; Seth, who was not Marissa's best friend, and most certainly not the one who Marissa has been sharing secrets with since sixth grade. If Summer didn't realize how devastated Marissa must have been, she would almost be mad.

Impatiently, Summer raised her hand to knock again, but the door was just then opened by Julie Cooper.

"Hi, Mrs. Cooper. Is Marissa home?"

"Oh Summer, dear, I'm so glad to see you. Marissa hasn't come out of her room all day. She is just torn up and maybe you can get through to her, because I don't know how. I'm really worried about her."

Summer nodded. "I'll see what I can do." Julie smiled appreciatively.

As Summer headed up the stairs, she couldn't help but think that Julie Cooper wasn't being the uber bitch that she was known to be. Of course, one of Marissa's best friends(Summer could NOT come to terms with the fact that Alex was her girlfriend) had died. Still, her sincere concern for Marissa left Summer taken aback.

Summer softly knocked on Marissa's door, but there was no answer, so she let herself in. She looked around, but wasn't anywhere to be found. The room was spotless. Her bed was perfectly smooth, and the carpets appeared to be freshly vacuumed. Summer wandered over to Marissa's bureau, and noticed four sealed envelopes. One was labeled for Ryan, Summer, Seth, and Mom. She tore open the envelope that had her name on it.

_I don't know how to say good-bye to you, because I've never had to do it before... _

Upon reading the first line, Summer became frantic. She ran to Marissa's closet. A packed suitcase lie on the floor, which meant she hadn't gone anywhere yet. Suddenly, a slight sound from the bathroom made Summer jump. She quickly made her way across the room and tried to open the bathroom door. It was locked.

"GO AWAY!" Marissa screamed from the other side of the door.

"Coop?" Summer replied softly, "It's just me." There was a long silence, and then Summer realized Marissa was crying.

"Come on, sweetie, let me in. I'm here to help."

Finally, Marissa replied, "Sum, life is so screwed up right now."

"I know it is, sweetie."

"I just can't see why I have to put myself through it anymore." Summer could see where this was going.

"Marissa, it will be ok. Just please, let me in, now." A hint of hysteria could be detected in Summer's tone.

"I just don't know if it's worth it anymore, you know? I don't think I can take it. Sometimes, it is just easier to make it all go away."

"Marissa, you're scaring me."

There was no answer from Marissa, except for the sound of her cries.

"Marissa, open the door. We can talk about this."

Summer started pounding on the door.

"Come on, Marissa, open the door!" Summer screamed, tears now streaming down her face.

"I can't. I can't come out there or I won't go through with this."

"Marissa, you are NOT going through with ANYTHING! I won't let you. I will bust this door down myself if I have to!" Marissa didn't say anything.

Summer backed up, and ran into the door with all her might. She did it again, and again, repeatedly, until she couldn't anymore. She sunk to the floor out of breath.

"Marissa, I just rammed into the door for you! Come out NOW!" Summer said, now not only crying, but shaking with anger, too.

There was a fumbling at the doorknob, and Marissa opened the door. Summer raced past her into the bathroom. She grabbed a bottle of pills that stood on the counter, opened it, and flushed the contents down the toilet. She eyed the empty vodka bottle laying on its side before she made her way back to Marissa.

Summer took a good look at her troubled friend. Her face was free from any makeup, making her look young and vulnerable. Her hair was pulled up. Her eyes were red from crying, and her cheeks were tear-stained. Marissa bit her lip, but couldn't stop the uncontrollable sobs that suddenly seized her.

"Oh Coop, come here." Summer said, pulling her into a hug. Marissa's shoulders shook violently, and her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath, and Summer tried not to stare at the blood that was running down Marissa's arm, coming from her wrist.


	6. Weak

Thanks for the comments my loves,read and review as always. 3, me

"The evil of the world is made possible by nothing but the sanction you give it."-Ayn Rand

Marissa's Room

"Oh my god," Summer started, "Brad Pitt is soo fine in this movie!"

"Oh, I know! Julia Roberts isn't looking so bad either."

"Ewww, Coop!"

"Kidding, just kidding."

It was much later in the evening, and Summer and Marissa did nothing but sit around and watch movies all day. Marissa seemed to be doing better after the episode from early in the afternoon, but Summer could not help but worry about her. After she had come out of the bathroom, Summer helped a drunken Marissa wrap up her wrist, and sober up. She stayed with her for the entire day, and was afraid of what Marissa would do if she were to leave.

"Well hello, ladies. What a fine sight the two of you are."

"Seth! How'd you find me? You know, we really don't need to be together every second of every day."

"Well, did it ever occur to you that it was not you that I came to see?" Seth asked, bending down to kiss her.

"Cohen! Enhh!" Summer grunted, gesturing towards Marissa, who did not seem to notice.

"It's ok, guys. You can kiss in front of me. I'm not all that wrapped up in my problems." Marissa stated plainly. Summer could beg to differ, given that she nearly comitted suicide today, but chose not to say anything. Seth gave Summer a look, which was meant to say that he wanted to talk to Marissa.

"Um, Coop, Ben and Jerry are calling my name, so I'll be right back. Do you want anything?" Summer asked.

"Yea, I'll take chunky monkey." Seth answered.

"I said Coop, not Cohen!"

"No, I'm ok, thanks."

"Are you sure?" Summer asked, because to her, Marissa didn't seem fine.

"Yea, go ahead."

"Alrite, I'll be back in a little bit." Summer said, leaving Seth and Marissa by themselves.

A long silence followed. Seth became inreasingly uncomfortable sitting there with Marissa. After all, they shared the same ex.

"So..." Seth started.

"So..." Marissa answered, not offering any conversation, but turned her attention to 'Ocean's Eleven'.

"So, Captain Oats sends his condolences." Marissa cracked a smile. Seth's quirky sense of humor was just what she needed to cheer herself up right now.

"Yeah, he wanted me to tell you that he was very sorry and that any time you needed a ride, he was there for you." Marissa spit out her drink, laughing.

"Oh, well tell him thanks, then."

"Seriously, Marissa, I don't know what to say. I am just soo sorry, and whatever I can do to help, just let me know."

"Aww, thanks Seth, but there really isn't much anyone can do. I guess I just have to figure it out on my own." Marissa responded, and sounded kind of detached to Seth.

"You know, I didn't go out with Alex for that long, but, she was a great girl. I'm glad you got to get to know her, in more ways than one."

Marissa looked down, trying to hold the tears in that she knew were forming. Seth, realizing he had touched a nerve, hit himself in the forehead, scolding himself for being so stupid.

"I'm awfully sorry, Marissa. Comic relief is my job, and sometimes I can't escape it, and it puts me into awkward positions; like the one that I just put myself into right now. Ok, I'm gonna shut up now." Seth rambled, but he noticed that Marissa was already crying. Awkwardly, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, as she cried silently.

Suddenly, there was a scream from downstairs that jerked Seth and Marissa out of their obviously uncomfortable position.

"Summer? Is everything okay?" Seth inquired.

"Chunky monkey, ALL OVER ME!" Summer yelled in response.

Seth turned to Marissa, saying, "Well, I better go see what I can do to help." Marissa nodded, smiling encouragingly.

"Oh, you silly willy, Summer Wummer!"

"Shut up, Cohen and help me clean this up." Marissa lay on her bed listening to the pair's friendly banter, and wished she had that with someone...not just someone, she wanted it with Ryan.

She reached under her bed, and pulled out an almost empty bottle of whiskey. She quickly downed the remaining contents, and threw it on the ground. She reached again under her bed, but came up with nothing else.

"Sht!" She scrambled off her bed, and silently ran down the stairs, and into Caleb's office. There, she opened the door to his liquor cabinet. She grabbed the first bottle she saw. She tried to open it, but the cap wouldn't budge. Finally, it opened, but she dropped it in surprise. The glass broke into a million pieces on the hardwood floor.

Seth and Summer came running from the kitchen to see what the crash was. Seeing Marissa routing through the liquor cabinet, ignoring the mess she just made, made Summer mad.

"Coop! WHAT are you DOING!" Summer screamed. Marissa turned around in surprise, but didn't answer Summer. She didn't know the answer. When had it gotten so bad that she was desperate for anything alcohol? She slowly sank to her feet, contemplating this...

* * *

Marissa's Bedroom

"S-summer! Where aare you?" Marissa stuttered. She began to sob again for the millionth time that day, but not because of the tragedy that had occured, but because she was totally plastered. It had been awhile since Marissa had let herself get this drunk. Usually, she was pretty good at holding her liquor. But tonight, she had gone too far, and as result, was going through a mood swing and slurring her words.

"I'm right here, Coop." Summer said, emerging from the bathroom with a glass of water. Relief flooded Marissa's eyes. Summer sighed and glanced at Seth. She didn't know how long she would have to stay by Marissa's side.

"I miss Ryan. I really reallyy miss-s Ryan. I wonderr, does he miss me, too? Doess he ever talk about me, Seth?"

"Um, yeah sure. You know what, come to think of it, he did mention your name the other day...he definately did. " Seth said, unsure of how to respond.

"S-seth, sayy hi to Ryan for me, k? Youu know, just likke, telll him I said hi."

"Sure, no problem."

"Orr if you wantt to, mention myy name orr something when you are talking to him...jusst say, 'Marissa'and see what he says, k?"

"You want me to name-drop you? Sure, whatever you want."

"T-tell him if he wantss me to makke mac and cheesse for himm, I will. I'm a greatt maker of macaroni and cheese, esspecially the kind fromm the boxx. Tell him I will be his macaroni and cheese maker." Marissa said. At this point, her ramblings were almost to the point of incoherency.

"Yeah, sure, okay." Seth responded to Marissa's weird request. Seth was enjoying making light of Marissa being drunk. He knew he shouldn't have, but he found it funny. It made him forget the ever so slight pain he had had when he found out about Alex's passing.  
Summer sure didn't find it funny, and did not appreciate Seth playing along with Marissa.

"You know, Seth. You werre right. Alex was-s a good kissser." Marissa smiled. Summer raised her eyebrow, and Seth nodded awkwardly.

"Yeah, she was a pretty good kisser, wasn't she. Oh my god, I share a kissing partner with Marissa Cooper. Never thought I'd see the day."

"Coop, I think it's time for you to go to bed." Summer demanded.

"NOO! Summer, I'm not tirred yet! Seth and I werre discussing Alex'ss kissingg ability." Summer made a face and glared at Seth.

"Aww, come on Summer, the conversation was just getting good. Besides, she does have a point. We WERE having a conversation and you were very rude to interrupt." Summer didn't break her hateful glare at Seth. She just emphasized it by folding her hands across her chest.

"You know what, Marissa? I think it's time for you to go to bed." Seth said after giving it some thought. He said it somewhat regretfully, because he knew it would be the last time that Marissa would voluntarily speak of details about her and Alex's relationship.

"Aree you surre you don't wannt to keep talkking Setth? I knooww you want to!" Marissa said, giggling.

"Seth was just leaving. Weren't you, Seth?" Summer demanded.

"Yes, my love," he said, bending down to kiss her,"and Marissa, anytime you want to continue this conversation, just give me a dial. I am free 24-"

"Good night, COHEN!" Summer cut him off, and shoved him out the door. She turned around to find Marissa passed out on her made bed. Summer grabbed a blanket from a chair, and covered her with it. Then she quietly tiptoed out of the room, and gently shut the door.


End file.
